"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
This shirt is “dry-clean only”…which means it’s dirty.
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
Listerine hurts, man, when I put Listerine in my mouth, I’m fuckin’ angry. Germs do not go quietly.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
My girl works at Hooters, in the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I’d be making money in a very weird way.
I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
So I wish I could play little league now, I’d kick some fuckin’ ass."

Mitch Hedberg

(via fuckyeah-fashions)

So you think you can dance

<3 love this show

"We on dat A list celebrity, but we have dat B list budget"
The Ninja Twins (Nick and James)

(Source: malikizherr, via malikizherr)

SYTYCD Ninja Twins

ximirii:

These two are amazing and they need their own show. They would be way more entertaining than the Kardashians.

Lets run away. Leave everything behind.

yeah

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